Have you ever received a text that wasn't meant for you but was about you?

[sportzchick]

I got one today after coaching my HS tennis team to a successful scrimmage win. The message was "sporzchicks judgement is terrible when it comes to Steph".
Steph is the daughter of the text sender and a player on my team. The text sender is also my team mom and a long time family friend. I think the text sender meant to send the text to her husband instead of me. The crazy thing is, I wasn't coaching the #2 doubles team today, my assistant did (who is just as qualifed to coach doubles as I am)... so I'm not even sure where the comment would come from. I do know the girls haven't been playing to their potential the past few days and even the girls recognize this... so any comment I may have had was along the lines of "I want to see my true #2 doubles team today!"

I have an idea of how to respond, but I was curious as to what my fellow medialiners might say/do. (or what you may have done if something like this has happened to you)

[adam & doctor drew]

normally I'd ignore it.
parents are always unhappy about how a coach handles their kid.

but since it's a family friend, show it to her and ask "did you really mean to send this to me?"
watch her squirm.

[Delta Dawn]

Originally Posted by sportzchick

I have an idea of how to respond

Why don't you ask the high school kids? This is more up their alley.

[s'news]

I barely get texts that are meant for me.

[Lazlo Toth]

A friend of mine worked for Healdine News in the early days as a writer. One day, one of the other writers meant to send her a nasty note about the producer. But in the old Basys system, the other writer put in the producer's login name instead of my friend's for the topline message, and then sent it. My friend says it led to a good air-clearing conversation between the other writer and the producer.

[Pro]

I once got an e-mail from the GM of a station I was applying to (when I was on the beach about seven years ago). It was his reply to their consultant about her views about me, and he conveniently attached her less-than-glowing comments (she said she was "underwhelmed" when she met me when I was at the station for an invited visit/interview). How it got CC'd to me, I'll never know.

I forwarded the whole thing back and all I wrote in MY message was "Was this meant for me?" His only reply was "No. Sorry." Never heard another word from him, not even a form rejection letter.

[Sultanosurf]

Put on a cheerleader disguise. Go immediately to a biker bar, hire a cheap hit man. Make it painful, be sure to get it on tape.

Or just put on the cheerleader outfit and head to the bar, I'll meet you there in an hour...

[Kace]

Lots of makeup sex.

[Mr. Salad]

I'll bet you think this text is about you.
Don't you?
Don't you?

[Another side]

Well, you probably wouldn't do it the way I would ... but the first chance I got I'd chew her ass for betraying our friendship. If she had something to say, she should have said it to you directly. I'd end the friendship -- such as it was -- and make sure she knew why.

[Mr. Salad]

Originally Posted by Another side

If she had something to say, she should have said it to you directly.

Nonsense. Friendship often relies on tact as much as honesty, on knowing when not to criticize someone.

I have an acquaintance who thinks she should speak her mind and be "honest" with people about her observations of them. For example, she might notice I got a haircut and bring it up in conversation, then say, "I don't really like it." As a result, I really don't like being around her. Who would? She frequently has blowups with her friends. Wonder why? She has no tact. She doesn't understand when to keep her opinions to herself.

This team mom had an opinion of Sportzchick's coaching. By not saying it to her directly, she was trying to avoid exactly this situation in which Sportzchick would be offended. Was it a serious enough concern that saying something to Sportzchick was more important than their friendship? I doubt it, and apparently she didn't think so. But it still bothered her, so she just grumbled to her husband instead, someone with whom she could speak in confidence. Big deal. No two friends agree on everything, nor do they have to, nor should they let the minor differences create friction where it isn't really necessary by speaking their minds when doing so really accomplishes nothing productive.

The correct course of action here is to let it go, unless you just really don't like this woman and are looking for some excuse to break off your friendship. Otherwise, ending the friendship or chewing her out is just a lot of petty, unwarranted drama.

Originally Posted by Another side

Well, you probably wouldn't do it the way I would ... but the first chance I got I'd chew her ass for betraying our friendship... I'd end the friendship -- such as it was -- and make sure she knew why.

Drama queen.

[Another side]

Oh, good. A lesson in tact from Spike.

[Bandit]

Originally Posted by sportzchick

i got one today after coaching my hs tennis team to a successful scrimmage win. The message was "sporzchicks judgement is terrible when it comes to steph".
Steph is the daughter of the text sender and a player on my team. The text sender is also my team mom and a long time family friend. I think the text sender meant to send the text to her husband instead of me. The crazy thing is, i wasn't coaching the #2 doubles team today, my assistant did (who is just as qualifed to coach doubles as i am)... So i'm not even sure where the comment would come from. I do know the girls haven't been playing to their potential the past few days and even the girls recognize this... So any comment i may have had was along the lines of "i want to see my true #2 doubles team today!"

i have an idea of how to respond, but i was curious as to what my fellow medialiners might say/do. (or what you may have done if something like this has happened to you)

omgwtflol!

[Sultanosurf]

btw, s-chick, I'll give you a wave from Amen Corner today....

[Mom]

I'd treat it with her as if you think she intended to text you all along and not that she made a mistake. It holds her more accountable. I'd call her up and say, "I got your text and I'm surprised and hurt that you'd text me such a negative comment instead of talking to me in person about your concerns. We have a long standing friendly relationship and to diminsh it to a rude text message has left me reconsidering qualities of your character." If she tries to explain that you weren't supposed to receive that text you can say, "Well, that's even more underhanded and petty and I don't think I have anything else to say to you." Then hang up. Of course, her daughter will stop playing tennis under you and that's a shame. But I don't think you can let this slide. You will have a bad feeling about this woman forever, if you do, and always wonder whether you should have said something.

[neodeity]

Originally Posted by s'news

I barely get texts that are meant for me.

Does this mean they're hard to read, that only a few letters come through?

Originally Posted by Kace

Lots of makeup sex.

Is that where you use copious amounts of cosmetics and perhaps some role playing?

As for my (now thoroughly discredited) opinion of sportzchick's quandary, oddly I think Spike's on the right track.
However, if you ignore the text you'll never learn why it was sent in the first place. It's possible (however slightly) that it was sent to scapegoat you while alibiing her daughter in the Father's eyes. Granted that's pretty weak, but the whole situation smacks of juvenile manipulation; shoot, what if the daughter actually sent the text, using Mom's phone? Shrinks say there are no accidents, so if Mom sent the text; perhaps she's itching for a confrontation but lacks the guts to initiate one. Ultimately, as with forest fire prevention, only you can evaluate your friendship to decide how to proceed. For what it’s worth, based upon what I've read from you, I'm confidant you'll make the right decision.

[Kace]

Is that where you use copious amounts of cosmetics and perhaps some role playing?

Sometimes.

[tater]

I'd let it go. Parents can get crazy when their kids play sports and say all kinds of stuff in the heat of the moment. They think their child is the best because they are loving or competitive parents.


Unless it's Homer.


FLANNNNNNNNNNN-DERRRRRRRRRRRRRS!

Always have fun with this type of faux pas! Making someone squirm with embarrassment, or better yet, demand an apology for the transgression, always gets a response!

[ShakAttack]

Sportzchick, I don't understand what all the commotion is about ... just because someone called your judgment "terrible" behind your back -- have you not worked in a newsroom?? That's the mode of true critique and communication in this biz!

AnotherSide, don't you think it's a bit extreme to end a friendship over such a trivial exchange?

[sportzchick]

My plan of attack (or non-attack) is the next time I see her in person I will let her know I received the text .. and then say to her "If there is something you would like to discuss with me regarding this text, I am open to it."
That way if she wants to talk to me about it, she can. If she is open to discussing the text... I would like to know what she is basing her opinon on or where this line of thought came from.

Depending on what she says (or doesn't say) I have this to follow up with or add....
I know she doesn't agree with my placement of her daughter on the ladder, but to call my judgment of her daughter "terrible" is disrespectful. (not sure if that is the right word i should use...may think that over... but it is how I feel.)
Am I perfect? No. But I have enough coaching experience under my belt to know what is best for the team...and this is a TEAM... not individual match play.

I haven't decided if I am going to say that second part or not... depends on her initial response.

I agree with what one poster said about being in the heat of the moment. I think she was probably just angry because her daughter (and partner) just got beat pretty badly in the the 1st match up they played. (we scrimmaged and only played one set then switched up opponents) My thoughts are that she is thinking if her daughter played at #1 doubles with someone else she'd be winning. However if she were REALLY that good...she could win with anyone at #2 dubs.

[ISTHISTHINGON?]

A couple years ago I got a text from a married friend. It apparently was meant for the husband...and was quite bitter in light of the fact she just caught him cheating. She apologized out of embarrassment, we ended up meeting out the next night....and she got even. With him.
I am such a nice guy. They don't make em' like me anymore!

[Mighty Dyckerson]

Originally Posted by ISTHISTHINGON?

A couple years ago I got a text from a married friend. It apparently was meant for the husband...and was quite bitter in light of the fact she just caught him cheating. She apologized out of embarrassment, we ended up meeting out the next night....and she got even. With him.

Really? What did you do, trash his car or something?

[ISTHISTHINGON?]

Originally Posted by Mighty Dyckerson

Really? What did you do, trash his car or something?

Nothing that violent....I simply planted some seeds in his garden!
See? I really am a nice guy.

[Bandit]

Originally Posted by ISTHISTHINGON?

Nothing that violent....I simply planted some seeds in his garden!
See? I really am a nice guy.

You had sex with him?!