The Invisible Man

[Sigonfile]

At the clinic, the nurse runs into the exam room and says, "Doctor, there's an invisible man in the waiting room!" Doctor says, "Tell him I can't see him!"

[HushHush]

Here is the latest photo of the invisible man on his Honeymoon in Antigua:

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c93/persiplz/BEACH.jpg

[Lazlo Toth]

"I was dating a girl, but then I found out she had a wooden leg, so I broke it off."

[casterdamus]

Went to the doctor and told him I thought I broke my arm in two places. Doctor says, 'Well from now on, stay out of those places".

[Rambunctious]

Invisible or not... you got to wear sun screen.

Here is the latest photo of the invisible man on his Honeymoon in Antigua:

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c93/persiplz/BEACH.jpg

[Sparky]

I met a man with a wooden leg named Smith.

Really? What was the name of his other leg?

[Sigonfile]

Obama gets pulled over on the LA Freeway driving a Volkswagen Jetta with Montana plates. The officer, of American Indian decent, ask for his license. Obama reaches for the glove box to get his.............

[Lazlo Toth]

"Doctor said I was too fat. I said "I want a second opinion.' He said, 'Okay, you're ugly too."

[s'news]

"How far is the old log inn?"

[Roy Hobbs]

I said Doctor, it hurts when I do this!

He says, Well then don't do that!

[jama]

"Hey, Mac, can you tell me how to get to Redbud"...

"how did you know my name was Mac?"...

"I just guessed"...

"Well then, why don't you guess your way to Redbud"

[commercial hack]

What did the farmer say when he saw the cow and chicken having sex?

(say it in porn theme)

Brown Chick-en, Brown Cow

[ISTHISTHINGON?]

Lil' boy blue.....CUS HE NEEDED THE MONEY.....OHHHHHHHH!

[Pro]

Mom and Dad asked Junior what he wanted for his birthday. He said "I wanna watch". So they let him.

[The Mockingbird]

Two guys are walking down the street when they see a dog licking himself.

The first guy says, "Man, I wish I could do that."

The second guy says, "Well, maybe you should pet him, first."

[News Is Broken]

Two guys walk into a bar....

...you'd think the second one would have ducked.

Bonus Groaner:

I just found out that I'm addicted to placebos.

[Pro]

I saw a sign at a mall that said "You Are Here"....how did it know?

[News Is Broken]

"Never forget the last, dying words of my great uncle Ned, who said 'A TRUCK!'" - Emo Phillips.

[Pro]

When I die, I want to go peacefully, in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming like his passengers.

[Mr. Rugen]

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "What is this a joke?"

I think I messed it up.

[the original buttongod]

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "What is this a joke?"

I think I messed it up.

"A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "why the long face ?"


sheesh.....always gotta put out fires....

[News Is Broken]

A termite walks into a bar and asks "Where's the bar tender?"

Meh... it doesn't work as well when written rather than spoken.

[Mr. Rugen]

"A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "why the long face ?"


sheesh.....always gotta put out fires....
Sorry.

[Pro]

Bear walks into a bar, says "I'll have a beer".

Bartender thinks he's got a "live one" says "That'll be $100".

Bear whips out a C-note (don't ask from where) and drinks his beer.

Bartender says "You know, we don't get many bears here."

Bears says "At $100 per beer, I wouldn't think so!"

[Roy Hobbs]

What's Black and White and read all over?

A Nun on a bus to Winnipeg?

[Mr. Rugen]

What's the deal with airplane food? I mean come on.

[commercial hack]

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "What is this a joke?"

I think I messed it up.

No, no, no, it's... A Priest, A Rabbi and Pro walk into a bar and the bartender says "what is this a joke?"

[Lazlo Toth]

A sandwich walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Get out of here. We don't serve food."

[Lazlo Toth]

A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't want your kind around here."

The mushroom says, "Why not? I'm a fungi."

[Mr. Rugen]

You ever notice that do not remove tag on the matress? What's that all about?

[Sigonfile]

Trucker picks up a prostitute and a 6 pack of long necks and heads to the motel. Trucker goes in the room and goes into the bathroom. When he comes out, hooker is bent over on the bed naked. trucker says' "Wow!, you're in a hurry!" Prostitute says, "No, thought you might want to open them beers first."

[casterdamus]

Inky dinky doo.

What do you look for when your tracking inky dinkys?

[casterdamus]

What do you do with an elephant with three balls?

Walk him an pitch to the giraffe.

[tater]

Is a hippopotamus really a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamus?

[HushHush]

Never choke in a restaurant in the South. Two hillbillies walk
into a bar. While having a shot of whisky, they talk about their
moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is
eating a sandwich, begins to cough. And, after a minute or so, it
becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the
hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?' The woman
shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?' The woman
begins to turn blue and shakes her head no. The hillbilly walks over
to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and
quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The
woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the
obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again,
the Hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar. His partner says, 'Ya
know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't
niver seed nobody do it!'

[Roy Hobbs]

So....Donald Trump's hair...what's the deal with that??!!

[sportzchick]

A piece of string walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says..."get out of here...we don't serve strings"
The piced of string goes outside ties himself in a knot and messes up one end.
He goes back in and orders a beer.
The bartender looks at him and says..."aren't you that string that was just in here?"
The string says... "no...i'm a frayed knot"

[Roy Hobbs]

Two peanuts are walking down the street. One was assaulted...peanut.

[wx or not]

A skeleton walks into a bar and says "Give me a beer and a mop."

[Clever Login Name]

Had to cover a bad wreck once ... Army jeep ran into a popcorn stand and two kernels were killed.