Should I be offended? (a rant)

[Randy Steinman]

I have become increasingly insulted by a recurring trend, and am curious to know what you people think.

In recent months....

- A major market ND emails to say that a former colleague has listed me as a reference for a job there. Asks me to answer approx ten questions about this candidate (character, strengths, work ethic, etc). I spend half-an-hour answering the form, and email it back.

- A medium market ND (affil.) emails me to get some insight into how one of their OMB's might be able to feed out of the Detroit area. The ND knows I am familiar with the lay of the land. I respond with a detailed explanation of potential feed locations, directions, logistics, contact names & numbers.

- A small market reporter (from a distant affil.) emails with a request for an intvu and b-roll of one of their local athletes who attends a university in our city. Wants to do a feature, and has already intvu'd mom & dad & coaches back home. We arrange the intvu, and two of our people spend a couple of hours getting what the reporter wants. Our shop has no local interest in the story.

Three fairly standard requests. In each case, it was handled promptly, politely and professionally at our end. The third request was a bit of a pain, espy considering we had no use for it ourselves.

I never receive acknowledgement of receipt from any of them. Not even a simple email stating, "Got it. Thanks."

Is it just me, or whatever became of common courtesy?? If someone takes time out of their busy day to do us a favor, the least I do is call or email to let them know how much we appreciate it. And assure them that they can count on us, whenever they need a favor in return.

Or have we become a society where people assume everything will always be done for them?

Help me out here. Apparently, I don't get it. What am I missing? graemlins/face_banghead.gif

[ May 29, 2007, 10:17 PM: Message edited by: Randy Steinman ]

[BPOnTheAir]

Heck, I even e-mail or call our police contacts to thank them when they send us a mug shot. I also do the same for other reporters/stations for their help. They return the favor 95 percent of the time.

[adam & doctor drew]

it does signal a bad trend in our society.

all you can do is file it away..... eventually those people will ask you for something else, and that's when you say no (with an explanation).

[The Mockingbird]

I'm a personal believer that people take offense at things far too easily these days --

However, I agree with you, it certainly seems sometimes that common courtesy is a thing of the past.

In your situations, my off the cuff judgement:

1) The colleague should have thanked you more than the ND. He, after all, is the one who volunteered you as a character witness. The favor you were doing was for the friend, not the ND.

2) If the ND just talked to you on the phone, a verbal thanks should be sufficient, I'd think. If you had to do real work for him, research, etc, that's a different story, unless he wasn't available reciprocally for a similar request in his market.

3) That reporter should have sent you guys a fruit basket, although, on a small town reporter salary, I doubt that'd be possible. You're right, it was out of line not to thank you.

Bottom line, my advice to you is to remember that each case is separate, and not carry with you all the implied insult and injury of the other incidents, should there be a fourth.

And to you and everyone else, it HAS been a good object lesson that it doesn't take a lot to be classy. With people like the ones you've been encountered lately being the norm, it will stand out even more.

There, now you've gone and made me all Machiavellian. See you later!

Oh, and by the way:

Thanks for the post. graemlins/iloveyou.gif

[LENSCRAFTER]

I think you have every right to be offended. You performed a service they requested... a simple thank you is not out of the question.

If you handed a stranger a pencil at the library... or passed someone the salt at the table certainly they would (99% of the time) acknowledge your kindness with a "thank you".

Spending 15 to 20 minutes of your time on something FOR THEM certainly warrants at least a "thanks".

The transaction isn't complete if you will. It is still hanging out there. 1.) Request 2.) Work completed 3.) ????????? No thank you?

[wxboy14]

Randy --

100% on your side. I have thought the same thing. A lot of times we get those questions from students where they have to interview someone....you spend about 20 minutes typing a reply...and then you never hear from them again.

Another aspect of emails as of late -- they are written with no courtesy at all. If someone needs some info, we'll just get an email saying "I need the high for yesterday."
No "Dear So&So", no "Thanks", and no names or signature. Drives me up a wall.

I have always been big on courtesy in letters and emails...but now I reply exactly as it was written. For those items like the request for the high, I'll just put "84" in the subject line and hit reply.

I don't know...I must be old fashioned. I was also of the kind who would never dream to call a tv station to ask for a personal forecast because I missed the broadcast.

[imported_Mr. Vengeance]

I thank people on-the-spot or immediately thereafter with a phone call. But I hardly send e-mails, cards, or letters.

That said, if you're sitting around steaming that someone's not showing you enough love, get over it.

[Ping-Pong Ball]

Randy,

Thank you! I just wanted to let you know I received your latest rant. I really appreciate you investing your time and energy in this cause.

Gratefully yours,
PPB

[TopRamen]

Randy,

I am with you on this one. It sounds like a verbal thanks or a quick e-mail is all you really wanted, at least from the first two, and that is so easy that it should have happened immediately. The third one should have sent you a written thank you note in the mail.

I was reminded of the lack of courtesy and politeness in the world while sending out invitations for our wedding. Thirty people did not return the pre-stamped RSVP cards, so we had to spend hours e-mailing and calling folks to figure out how many would come. Those who said they'd come and didn't--cost us a bucketload of money on pre-paid meals. We sent notes to those who could not attend with attached pictures and said "we missed you and hope all is well," and in many cases, we never heard a word. We understand they could not make it for whatever reason, and we didn't expect gifts, but c'mon, don't give us the silent treatment!

Here on this very message board, I had mentioned my freelance and book writing in a thread. Someone PM'd me to ask for advice on breaking into freelance. I sent her a large list of resources and offered some pretty solid advice. She never responded to say thank you.

Emily Post devotees would know it's never polite to point out another's rudeness, but I have been oh so tempted. If they ever need another favor from you, you can always take a pass.

[New and improved...No Talent Hack]

Chivalry is dead, my friend.

However, had I been in either of the three above stated situations, I would have certainly let you know of the receipt - along with a huge extention of gratitude.

Quite rude...I still get upset when I go out of my way for someone without acknowledgement. But, that's the nature of this industry...especially when it's some spoiled rich kid who's doing the job for the simple ego-stroking ability to say they're "on teeevvveee"

Thanks. Hopefully I get the chance to earn your hardwork sometime, then I can be sure to send you my thanks. graemlins/icon_kidra.gif

[ May 30, 2007, 07:01 AM: Message edited by: New and improved...No Talent Hack ]

[Pinkie]

True story, I once helped out another reporter from my same affiliate at a story that was being covered by everyone in the state. Not only did he send me a nice thank you e-mail, but a couple weeks down the road he got tipped off to a breaking story in my market and as a thank you, he got us an exclusive.

You never know what you'll miss by saying thank you, or by being helpful to others. It's a shame the people you've helped out don't recognize this.

[Kace]

Randy, God knows you're a good person and so do I. graemlins/hug.gif

[Gail sirens]

Good manners and common courtesy are just about dead.
It is always appropriate to acknowledge someone with a thank you when asked for a favor or whatever you want to call it.
The next time these same losers ask you for information, ignore it. They don't deserve a reply.

[Clubbeat]

Randy I feel your pain but you should know that a lot of people in this biz have no manners, are self asorbed and could care less about whether their request is a burden or soemthing you go out of your way to make happen.

Simply no home training anymore graemlins/face_banghead.gif

[MichaelPS]

They all should have thanked you.

On a side note, I would be very careful about those ten question references and how you answer them. Employment law has not looked kindly on people who give bad references. As you know, that's why ND's don't trust them.

[Laughing Angel]

Randy, your rant is a valid one.

It takes no more time to say a simple thank you than it would take to say nothing at all.

[ISTHISTHINGON?]

Yep, the 3 should have EACH emailed a simple thank you. But this world is full of those use-and-abuse jerks...so I speak for them, one at a time.
1)"Thank You Randy"
2)"Hey Randy! Thanks man!"
3)"You know Randy, I really appreciate your time. Thanks again".
graemlins/cheers2.gif

[Jane Craig]

Randy, you are right to be annoyed. It's sad, but too often, common courtesy is viewed as a pleasant surprise when it should be the norm. It takes almost no time to pop off a quick note of thanks.

You are a gentleman; too bad the rest of the world don't live in RandyLand, which is a very nice place (and would be polite even if it weren't in Canada).

[WalMartNation]

It's funny, making a phone call to thank someone in the past used to be a small chore, but one most courteous people would do.

Then Al Gore invented e-mail as a by-product of the internet... and sending e-mails to thank people became an even easier way to say 'thank you.' Now, people are too lazy to even write that e-mail... it's a "gimme" society being raised.

These posters are right... file that stuff away.

OT- Back in my real small market days, to get video out of another small market city... they would have to feed to another bigger station to uplink. Always a pain, the bigger station was always rude to me when I'd set up the feed/uplink. Then one day, bigger station actually needed something from me for a change. I, of course, gave it to them as promptly as could be... but nobody ever called (or e-mailed) to say "hey we got." I had always done that when they uplinked a feed to me. So, I call to make sure they got it.... Sports Director was rude as hell saying he didn't "have time to give thank you's or chit-chat about any crap." (no, this wasn't while they were cramming for a show, it was well after the news/sports had ended in their time zone). I tucked that rude response in the F-U file for a rainy day.

A few years later when I'm in medium market, larger than the aforementioned 'bigger market'... that bigger market station calls me asking for something they really needed that was in our area but not on TV there. (college hockey highlights). Finally, the pouring rainy day I had waited years to cash in on. Told 'em flat out no, and refused to help them until their attitude improved. I was never called by them again which made my job easier. Call me a prick if you want, but what goes around, comes around.

[kgsl]

While I respect your sentiments, Randy, you can hardly be surprised by this. After all, two of these three are NDs.
We ALL know how good THEY are at responding.

[kim jung il]

Here what Kim think ...
http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2000/korea/story/leader/kim.dae.jung/link.kim.jong.il.jpg
...While E-Mail may be a way to
makey nitial contact to invite
interest, These matters should
not be handled without anything
less than phone call.

Do Not feel shame for the want
of gratitude. Often, with E-Mail?,
the people that ended up handling
your provided material, have no
knowage of why it sent in first
place.

E-Mail, unless a constant rapport
has been developed?, is the equivelent
of throwing a note in a garbage can,
in hopes that the person you were
trying to contact might find it.

I was completely appalled when the
Weather Service Warned of Hurricane
Katrina by E-Mail. Shocking.

We have been so conditioned with answering
machine, paging, text, and e-mail, we have
forgotten how important it is to make real
human to human contact. Not only for our
own satisfaction, but to ensure that both
party's intentions and needs are clearly
understood and met. To genuinely build
relationships that become truly beneficial
to all parties.

We have become a society trapped in individual
soap bubbles, and are so afraid that the initial-
ization of human interaction will accidently burst
the other's bubble. Imprisoned in the latest
electronic gadgetry to hit the market. Always,
Safe, Secure, and Alone.

When matters of importance are at hand, clear
communication is the only answer to bring back
the most important component in being a Human-
being. Our Selves.

[ May 31, 2007, 08:18 PM: Message edited by: kim jung il ]

[Roy Hobbs]

Originally posted by Jane Craig:
too bad the rest of the world don't live in RandyLand, which is a very nice place I believe this gent is ALWAYS in RandyLand

http://www.on2.com/cms-data/images/Austin_Powers_512k_standard.JPG

[a shooter]

i agree - and when presented this situation, i usually send an email myself "making sure" they got what they needed - it shames them into the 'thank-you'....

[Marty McFly]

Randy, name NAMES!

[Randy Steinman]

I think kim jung is onto something with his email theory. Much of the contact we have with each other anymore is extremely impersonal. There is often no sense of accountability.

Each of these three examples happened in the past four months. In the first case, I suppose it wasn't really unexpected that I never heard back. Had I ignored the reference request, that ND wouldn't have given it a second thought. (btw, my former colleague eventually GOT the job. That was reward enough.)

The second example was a surprise. This is a ND who will likely require our help again in the future. And we'll certainly do what we can, simply because it's an affiliate. However we might first make sure our own house is in order.

I'll admit the reporter incident was a shocker. Within 48 hours of making the initial request, that reporter would have received the raw tape from us via FedEx. We went out of our way there, when we instead could have addressed some our own needs. A quick email or phone call to say, "Thanks!" would have gone a long way. The ironic thing is that, a few years down the road, the day is coming when that young reporter will probably apply for a job at our shop.

I am grateful for the replies. You people have restored my faith in how most would respond. And while my intention for this thread was not to fish for compliments, I'll gladly take 'em any way I can get 'em. ;)

[s'news]

Randy, thanks for using a quote from me in your bottom line. You are clearly a gentleman and a scholar. If I can ever do something for you -- discerning intellect that you are -- I'd be glad to help.