Need an opinion

[Don Konkey]

Here is a PKG I did on Monday that I am totally in love with. My story was a pep rally for a local high school football team that was headed to the state championship game. I realized that I could not truly pack it so I nat-packed it and let the story tell it's self. Like I said I am in love with it and am thinking of submitting it for several awards. I need some objective opinions before I do so, though.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jvzi-223ONo

Tell me what you honestly think and be brutal. Is it worth submitting?

Thanks

[Sir Dropham Pants]

Not knowing what market this is from and what you'll be competing against in the contest it's hard to say. I'll try not to be brutal, but I will be honest. I found the story lacking. There was nothing in it that couldn't have been done in a :30-:40 vo/sot.
Generally speaking here: A photo or natpack is a tough thing to pull off. In many ways, it requires more than the elements you'd need to do a normal, reporter-voice piece. It's not enough to get your interviews and video. Those interviews and video have to work together to make a concise story. There's no reporter to guide the viewer thru the story; the story is its own guide. The elements of this story were just not there.
Specifically speaking here: The editing needs to tighten up. We need to see the person you interviewed - show him at least once. We need to hear something from the players or the fans/students. Something other than cheering and "let's get crunk!" A good photo piece has to be visually and audibly remarkable.
That said, I applaud the initiative of taking a shot at making the story more interesting. I applaud you for trying something many reporters won't do - get out of the way of the story and let it tell itself (save that for one that really begs for it - this did not), And I double-applaud the guts of putting up here for all to see.
Hopefully you take this as constructive and not nit-picky. I'll say it again, the photo-pkg is one of the most challenging formats.

[Don Konkey]

thanks pants. this was my first attempt at nat packing. The voice was the head coach and 90% of the viewers would recognize who it was. It will be competing in non-metro oklahoma (so lawton and ada/ardmore) i told them when i got back with it that it was worthy of a 50 second vosot, but we were really short staffed (flu crap) so i was told to pack it and make it as long as i can. Well you cant polish a terd, so i took this route, a 1:40 nat pack.

[Sir Dropham Pants]

Under those circumstances, you did as you were told and that's worth something too. Next time you're out on a story that smells like a nat pack, make sure you've got all your subjects connecting the dots in the story. Remember, beginning, middle, end. Get the people you interview to tell the story. Then you make the magic happen in the edit room.

[Lance Goodthrust]

Hey man, check your PM. I sent you a message.

[guesswhoiam]

Originally posted by Peter Gibbons:
Here is a PKG I did on Monday that I am totally in love with. My story was a pep rally for a local high school football team that was headed to the state championship game. I realized that I could not truly pack it so I nat-packed it and let the story tell it's self. Like I said I am in love with it and am thinking of submitting it for several awards. I need some objective opinions before I do so, though.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jvzi-223ONo

Tell me what you honestly think and be brutal. Is it worth submitting?

ThanksSo, wait, you aren't really Peter Gibbons??? :confused:

For what it was, it was nice, but I don't know if it's award worthy. The fire truck shot at about 1:20 was quick and didn't seem to connect with the rest of the piece.

But, hey, if you're proud of it, that's awesome and congratulations! That's more than some people can say at the end of the day... no matter what the profession.

[Head Janitor]

I agree with the comments above, and I feel for your situation at the station. I would add that the pipes are a good start, but not necessary throughout. More cheers would be good, along with more nats from the football players doing their chants. Not being from your area, I don't know if you've touched on this -- but what was with the kids' hair? an explanation would have made an interesting soundbite.

On a completely different topic -- I've seen anchors that look like father/daughter teams, but that is one of the first I've seen that seem to be mother/son. Wow.

[s'news]

How'd they do?

It needed a different lead-in. I'm thinking offhand something along the lines of "the sights and sounds of a high school pep rally." And we need to more effectively set up the bagpipes, even if many in the audience understand the connection. That connection should be made in the lead. "The bagpipes are blowin' and the students cheering today at MacArthur High ..."

Interesting mohawks.

The sound could be cleaner in spots. I know, you work with what you've got.

Rapid zoom mid-pack bothers me. And the fire truck (or whatever that was) needed a wide shot.

As Pants said, let's see the interviewee for a bit at first, for long enough to put up a super.

This sort of stuff is engaging for viewers. I like nats packs. But it probably needed a bit more in the sound, explaining the whole situation. More on who they were playing and why.

I once did a live with a package on a big storm, perhaps a tornado, that rolled through downtown. It was a nice package. Then I had to do another package for the next cast. I looked at the package, scratched my head, looked at it again --and told the photographer to just edit it without my carts in it. I rearranged my intro and extro and -- as a whole -- it was better than the earlier version.

This was your first shot at this sort of thing? I'd say you did pretty well. Learn from it and be stronger next time.

[DeGirl]

Peps are very energetic, so I liked it. But you didn't say what school it was or where, or who any of the people were. Who's the dude at the end? He's hot.

[Don Konkey]

Sadly, they got thier asses handed to them.

The sot pop at the end was Nieko Williams, the team's star.

The 'firetruck' was a modified golf cart (built to look like a little semi) that they drive out on the field when they score.

All these things are recognizable to local viewers and I guess I should not have taken that for granted.

I did not shoot it to be a nat pack, I shot it to be a straight pack, but it would have sucked so I worked with what I had and built this.

I appreciate the critiques, the more I watch it the more i see things it needed, and the less i want to submit it for awards consideration.

[NewsMom]

No, it's not award material. But viewers got a nice sense of the excitement building for the team. (OMG NewsMom didn't attack???)

[Marty McFly]

I applaud your enthusiasm for the piece you did.
Take EVERYTHING you read on this board with a grain of salt, but also take it to heart because your best critics are going to be your fellow colleagues.

I implore you to keep this piece and revisit it in SIX MONTHS to see if your opinion on it changes. You may find a dozen (or two) things you should have done differently.

The critique:

What were you working with? A bad wireless? Crappy tripod? Limited time to shoot and edit? A dozen other things going on that day? I ask so we know what obstacles you may have had to overcome even before the shoot started. That's important.

For a pep rally, this moved pretty slow. Too slow. The viewer needs to be GRABBED by the throat and then beat across the head with someone screaming in their face, 'THIS ISN'T ANY OL' PEP RALLY... THIS IS THE PEP RALLY OF THE YEAR!'

The pipes were nice, but kept the pace of the story slow. Alternative? Maybe tight cutaways of kids in the stands screaming and cheering on. Maybe the band beating their drums?

The Coach NEEDED TO BE SEEN. To me, he is a faceless entity. Sure, others may know who he is, but probably only those who actually know exactly who he is! SHOW the viewers who this guy is! When the font comes up, they can put 2 and 2 together and KNOW that this is the voice of THE COACH. Like someone else pointed out, 3-4 seconds of his face will do all this and remove the mystery.

We needed to hear more from others, not just the coach. The players were good, but the audio wasn't great (my computer maybe?). In my opinion, we needed to here from the FANS IN THE STANDS! Why are they pumped about this game? What did it take to get there? How long have they been longing for this moment?

Speaking of the players, it would have been great to get sound from them 1 on 1 and use their moments on the mic on the floor as nat sound breaks.

There were too many quick zooms in and out. I found that a bit too much.

With the exception of two shots, EVERYTHING was shot from eye level. Break it up and shoot from up high, down low. This will help with the pacing of the piece as well.

Do NOT get down with the stuff you are reading here! USE IT TO BECOME A BETTER STORY TELLER! Go do another nat piece and use what you've learned. In May, cue the tape back up and see if you feel the same way. Compare it to the stories you'll do between now and then and then look how you've improved.

You'll be amazed.

I look forward to your next piece.

[JoinUsForCake]

I applaud your effort at trying to squeeze a nats package out of an event that honestly is not very compelling in itself. I question your news managers' judgement in assigning this as either a package or nats package in the first place. It's a GOOD thing to have your enthusiasm.

A better way around this would have been if your newsdesk would have let you go out and get some video & sound from the team's final practice or previous game. Then you could have worked it in and the piece would have made more chronological sense.

Some of the shots were just too long. Get some tight cutaways - and don't be afraid to get in the crowd, go to the top of the bleachers, etc - vary your angles.

Keep at it, and do as many natsound pieces as your desk allows you! Good luck! ;)

[writer2]

Opinions we got.

[Michigan J. Frog]

Originally posted by Peter Gibbons:
Here is a PKG I did on Monday that I am totally in love with. My story was a pep rally for a local high school football team that was headed to the state championship game. I realized that I could not truly pack it so I nat-packed it and let the story tell it's self. Like I said I am in love with it and am thinking of submitting it for several awards. I need some objective opinions before I do so, though.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jvzi-223ONo

Tell me what you honestly think and be brutal. Is it worth submitting?

ThanksLost me in the first 20 seconds.

One shot lost focus (unless it was a YouTube artifact).

Whip pan for no discernable reason.

No narration of any kind (nats or otherwise).

You didn't give me a reason to care about this story, unless my kid happened to go to the school and I was looking for him or her.

Nat sound packages can be very effective--I was part of an experiment in back in the 90s wherein we did them for serious, lead-story packages as well as features--but you have to keep the viewer's interest in mind.