Moron Consultants

[JoinUsForCake]

Last year's so-called advice: "People don't care if you're live in the field or not."
Result: Liveshots de-emphasized.

This year's advice: "People really want to see more liveshots."
Result: Superfluous liveshots on the most un-live-worthy stories.

So I am wondering now: How can I too start a business charging people loads of money for the most random ideas I can pull out of my @$$? Where's my free start-up kit? I want to be a consultant from the comfort of my own living room couch.

[Diplomat]

"Moron consultants" is redundant. ;)

[FD2BLK]

Funny Dip, I was about to say the same thing.

[2:30]

The words do not flow naturally from my keyboard, but Diplomat is not only correct, he's understating.

[JoinUsForCake]

I am so glad to have brought us all together - if only for a brief moment - in our universal disdain for these consulting thieves.

graemlins/icon_pidu.gif

[Produce man]

Hell, I'd love to be a consultant. Travel from town to town, eating, drinking and sleeping on the client's dime. Finding fault in everything, taking blame for nothing. Maybe a few one-night-stands with some hot anchors every once in a while....

Pretty good gig....until I wake up in Hell.

[Stack It]

My favorite story was from a poster a few weeks ago. The consultant returned after giving some advice and ripped the newscast. The poster had his notes handy from a previous visit and quickly threw everything right back in the consultant's face. The consultant had contradicted everything from the prior visit. Brilliant. I really need a job like that. Needless to say the consultant never met with the poster again.

Right now corporate has flexed its muscle in our newsroom, let's just say the employees hope corporate gets busted for steroids.

[ March 01, 2007, 02:17 PM: Message edited by: Stack It ]

[Brooklyn]

http://images.despair.com/products/demotivators/consulting.jpg

[Tripe Face]

So people like Diplomat and Fearmonger hire CONSULTANTS to be such morons. It seems like they come by it so naturally!

[JoinUsForCake]

Hey now, Tripe - we are having a true "Kumbaya" thread going here with all the nonpartisan harmony and agreement.

Produce is completely right. These consultant people can give completely opposite advice a year later, feel no repurcussions from being wrong, and the corporate media bigwigs who paid them feel obligated to put into effect their bogus gimmicks. It's the most absurd phenomena I can think of in the business world.

[Roy Hobbs]

Judging from most markets "de-emphasizing liveshots" sounds like revolutionary advice.

And badly needed.

[Produce man]

Our anchors and reporters are REQUIRED to do a certain number of liveshots each month. You can imagine some of the beauties we've had.

[ March 01, 2007, 06:53 PM: Message edited by: Produce man ]

[Diplomat]

Originally posted by Tripe Face:
So people like Diplomat and Fearmonger hire CONSULTANTS to be such morons. It seems like they come by it so naturally!Given your own challenges, you are one of the last people who should call anyone a moron.

[ March 01, 2007, 07:55 PM: Message edited by: Diplomat ]

[Tripe Face]

Originally posted by Diplomat:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Tripe Face:
So people like Diplomat and Fearmonger hire CONSULTANTS to be such morons. It seems like they come by it so naturally!Given your own challenges, you are one of the last people who should call anyone a moron.</font>[/QUOTE]Diplomat is a bad person.

[Tripe Face]

Originally posted by Diplomat:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Tripe Face:
So people like Diplomat and Fearmonger hire CONSULTANTS to be such morons. It seems like they come by it so naturally!Given your own challenges, you are one of the last people who should call anyone a moron.</font>[/QUOTE]Diplomat is a bad person.

[Diplomat]

Originally posted by Tripe Face:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Diplomat:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Tripe Face:
So people like Diplomat and Fearmonger hire CONSULTANTS to be such morons. It seems like they come by it so naturally!Given your own challenges, you are one of the last people who should call anyone a moron.</font>[/QUOTE]Diplomat is a bad person.</font>[/QUOTE]If you're referring to what I said about George Soros, I won't apologize. Soros has said that religious people have no place in society and has allowed groups he funds to make anti-religion and anti-Semitic statements while he stands by silently.

I realize you have become a bitter, angry person over the last few months so I don't put much stock in what you say these days.

I'll gladly put my values and beliefs against those of George Soros any day.

[Ryder13]

Back on topic here -- I was the anchor of a morning newscast for several years that had a segment called "First Birthdays". (For those of you who HAVEN'T heard of this -- viewers are invited to send in pics of their children which we show on their 1 year birthday and say something about the child et cetera. Only of interest to the few people interested in that particular child -- and INCREDIBLY popular. It was our Exec Prod's favorite segment. He used to say we could cut anything on severe weather days EXCEPT this segment.)

OK -- after my first few months doing this, I noticed that it didn't 'flow' very well -- so I suggested that maybe we should put some music behind it, to kind of lighten the feel. I was told that we weren't going to do that. Two or three months later, we had one of our meetings with the consultant -- who suggested the EXACT SAME THING. And guess what? The segment promptly had music added to it.

There were other occasions where the consultant would make suggestions -- we'd implement them and then six months later they'd be gone. (My favorite was the "props" directive. Every reporter who did an in-studio live shot was supposed to have some type of prop to help illustrate the story. It got to the point where reporters would have a list of things for their shot -- and they got to charge the station for anything they needed to purchase. Guess how long THIS one lasted?)

Please. Spare me.

[adam &amp; doctor drew]

Originally posted by Produce man:
Hell, I'd love to be a consultant. Travel from town to town, eating, drinking and sleeping on the client's dime. Finding fault in everything, taking blame for nothing. Maybe a few one-night-stands with some hot anchors every once in a while....
all true.
and yet who's the idiot--the consultant who does all that, or the boss who pays the consultant to do it?

[ March 02, 2007, 12:18 AM: Message edited by: adam & doctor drew ]

[Triscuit]

if everything a consultant ever said were totally worthless they would be out of business. There is partial validity. For instance, Magid preaches you should take your viewers through the process of news gathering when possible. As in, "I spent four hours checking cab driver names with previous d.u.i. convictions, and here's what I found." That, to me, is good advice. Other Magid advice I find repugnant ... but you absorb it and weed out what won't work for you (since you know better then a guy from Marion, IA) what will make you a better journalist.

[Ryder13]

And, of course, if any ONE consultant REALLY had all the answers, wouldn't THEIR clients be number one in EVERY market they served?
Since they are not -- doesn't THAT seem to indicate that this is not exactly an exact science. (And I use the word "science" loosely.)

[ISTHISTHINGON?]

Originally posted by Produce man:
Hell, I'd love to be a consultant.... Maybe a few one-night-stands with some hot anchors every once in a while.. ..
Pretty good gig....until I wake up in Hell.I slept with one of my consultants a couple years ago. She was hot! And the ONLY consultant I've ever liked(and I ONLY liked her for a couple hours :eek: ;) )

[2:30]

I'll gladly put my values and beliefs against those of George Soros any day. One would hope you'd put your values and beliefs against those of *anyone* - not just someone you claim to despise. But then, since your values and beliefs seem so malleable, perhaps that's a standard that, like logical thinking, is beyond your reach.

[wxgeek]

Originally posted by 2:30:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr /> I'll gladly put my values and beliefs against those of George Soros any day. One would hope you'd put your values and beliefs against those of *anyone* - not just someone you claim to despise. But then, since your values and beliefs seem so malleable, perhaps that's a standard that, like logical thinking, is beyond your reach.</font>[/QUOTE]Unless someone is willing to allege that George Soros is a TV consultant, will you take your bickering to another thread?

Edit: This applies to both of you. I didn't want it to appear that I was just picking on 2:30.

[ March 04, 2007, 10:27 AM: Message edited by: wxgeek ]

[News Is Broken]

I too want to know where one signs up for this consultant thing. I'll travel the country telling stations that their anchors should stand up instead of sit at a desk... then when everyone is standing and walking around? You guessed it, sit them at a desk.

How much should I charge? I think $10K per station is fair... graemlins/moon.gif

[Spike]

Originally posted by News Is Broken:
I think $10K per station is fair... graemlins/moon.gif As Rosenblum would say, you're thinking too small.

[Diplomat]

Originally posted by wxgeek:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by 2:30:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr /> I'll gladly put my values and beliefs against those of George Soros any day. One would hope you'd put your values and beliefs against those of *anyone* - not just someone you claim to despise. But then, since your values and beliefs seem so malleable, perhaps that's a standard that, like logical thinking, is beyond your reach.</font>[/QUOTE]Unless someone is willing to allege that George Soros is a TV consultant, will you take your bickering to another thread?

Edit: This applies to both of you. I didn't want it to appear that I was just picking on 2:30.</font>[/QUOTE]Someone else brought up the Soros thread in this one. I was merely responding. She is the one who bickers. I only fire back when fired upon by her kind.

[Diplomat]

Originally posted by 2:30:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr /> I'll gladly put my values and beliefs against those of George Soros any day. One would hope you'd put your values and beliefs against those of *anyone* - not just someone you claim to despise. But then, since your values and beliefs seem so malleable, perhaps that's a standard that, like logical thinking, is beyond your reach.</font>[/QUOTE]My beliefs are real. Since you make up so much stuff, it's possible yours are not.

[Spike]

Originally posted by Diplomat:
Someone else brought up the Soros thread in this one. I was merely responding. She is the one who bickers. I only fire back when fired upon by her kind.You never turn down the opportunity to be the victim, do you?

"But she hit me first! Waaaaaaaaah!"

[Diplomat]

Originally posted by Spike:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Diplomat:
Someone else brought up the Soros thread in this one. I was merely responding. She is the one who bickers. I only fire back when fired upon by her kind.You never turn down the opportunity to be the victim, do you?

"But she hit me first! Waaaaaaaaah!"</font>[/QUOTE]Responding is not playing the victim. Guess you have trouble understanding basic concepts, eh?

Spike--if you cannot tell the truth, I would respectfully suggest you shut the hell up. Your lies are as bad as your lack of understanding about so many issues.

You're starting to make Rosenblum sound reasonable.

[News Is Broken]

Originally posted by Spike:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by News Is Broken:
I think $10K per station is fair... graemlins/moon.gif As Rosenblum would say, you're thinking too small.</font>[/QUOTE]LOL!!! You're right! $100K per station! Who's signing up? I'll even throw in a free toaster oven for your break room to sweeten the deal.

[Spike]

Originally posted by Diplomat:
Spike--if you cannot tell the truth, I would respectfully suggest you shut the hell up. Strange suggestion coming from someone who repeatedly fabricates offenses against his religion by which he can be offended.

[Diplomat]

Originally posted by Spike:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Diplomat:
Spike--if you cannot tell the truth, I would respectfully suggest you shut the hell up. Strange suggestion coming from someone who repeatedly fabricates offenses against his religion by which he can be offended.</font>[/QUOTE]I have fabricated nothing of the sort and even someone with limited intellectual capacity such as yourself should know that.

[Produce man]

My experience has been this. Consutants are 80% bullsh!t, 20% valuable. I like the initial market research they do. I can use that. I also like seminars a little. Free, nice hotel, free eats. Also, I like watching other stations' work. The anchors/reporters seemed to like the hair and clothing advice. (for the most part)

But this really steamed me. They broke us into groups with people from other stations. Each group had to produce a show geared toward a certain demographic, and given a list of story topics. I thought "Okay, I can do that". Then I see our demo is 5-7 yr. olds, and our topics included a new cartoon and cereal popularity. One of the twinkies I was with said "Ooohh, I know! Our chyron could have balloon-shaped letters!" My ND and I left at lunch, and never came back.

[ March 05, 2007, 01:54 PM: Message edited by: Produce man ]

[MichaelPS]

Did a previous poster really suggest that if consultants were all worthless, nobody would hire them?

Please.

Consultants exist because they can do the one thing that everyone else in management is terrified of doing. Namely, making a decision. Everything you need to know about management can be summarized in this one truism - its internal structure exists to save as many people as possible from taking responsibility for anything.

Now this seems so foreign to people in a newsroom because we have to take responsibility for something every day. It's your show. Your story. Your tape. Your face. There's no way around it. You leave a trail of the decisions you make from the moment you walk in the door to the moment you leave.

But managers are different. Success is based on how well you can avoid taking responsibility for anything that goes wrong. And the best way to do this is to divorce yourself from anything that smacks of making a decision.

Hence the consultant.

Consultants thrive because they realize this one central truth - that their role is not to make good decisions, but to just make decisions, period. The fact that they're not there when things go wrong is actually why they're so valuable. They can be blamed because they're not part of the team.

In fact, a consultant who fails is at least as valuable, and perhaps more valuable than a consultant who succeeds. The manager can blame the consultant for the failure, but if the consultant gets it right, it shines a very bright light on the fact that the manager couldn't come to the winning strategy himself or herself, despite being there every day.

So yes, become a consultant. They play a vital role... just not the one you think.

[ March 05, 2007, 02:14 PM: Message edited by: MichaelPS ]

[2:30]

Michael-

You actually DO work in this business, don't you... {G}

Nicely put.

[Spike]

Yes, VERY nicely put.

[Sultanosurf]

Remember, consultants don't get paid to say everything's fine. So of course you can expect change, sometimes just for change sake.

That said, there have been plenty of places where an outside voice, any outside voice, would be great just so management could get an objective take on things.

As for live shots, hell yeah, let's go to yesterday's scene today. And get the chopper up, too.

[2:30]

Anyone who needs an outside voice to tell them what to do should consider quitting.

[JoinUsForCake]

Originally posted by News Is Broken:
I'll even throw in a free toaster oven for your break room to sweeten the deal.Break room? What's that?

[markminn]

What galls me the most about our latest consultant is that we are allegedly in a spending crunch. We can't buy the right gear to go live and do compelling live shots. So, what does the station do, hire a consultant (when we have no money to spare) and he says,"Do more live shots!" No $hit. I'd love to make my shots stand out, but when we can't hit a liveshot from 2 miles away, and when we do, it sounds horrible, that is just no good.

[markminn]

What galls me the most about our latest consultant is that we are allegedly in a spending crunch. We can't buy the right gear to go live and do compelling live shots. So, what does the station do, hire a consultant (when we have no money to spare) and he says,"Do more live shots!" No $hit. I'd love to make my shots stand out, but when we can't hit a liveshot from 2 miles away, and when we do, it sounds horrible, that is just no good.

[Spx Guy]

We recently had a person that used to work for our station (and wasn't exactly good at anything -- reporting, shooting, writing, anchoring, willingness to help out) apply to work with a well known consulting firm. To me...this is mind-blowing. How is somebody like this supposed to critic things and help a station get better? Shouldn't they have knowledge and at least some ability?

[Produce man]

Originally posted by Spx Guy:
We recently had a person that used to work for our station (and wasn't exactly good at anything -- reporting, shooting, writing, anchoring, willingness to help out) apply to work with a well known consulting firm. To me...this is mind-blowing. How is somebody like this supposed to critic things and help a station get better? Shouldn't they have knowledge and at least some ability?Well, you know what they say..."Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach."

[JoinUsForCake]

Originally posted by markBBMDminn:
What galls me the most about our latest consultant is that we are allegedly in a spending crunch. We can't buy the right gear to go live and do compelling live shots. So, what does the station do, hire a consultant (when we have no money to spare) and he says,"Do more live shots!" No $hit. I'd love to make my shots stand out, but when we can't hit a liveshot from 2 miles away, and when we do, it sounds horrible, that is just no good.I can vouch for the 100% authenticity of this post. (Hey, how's it going, markminn? ;) )

"The viewers WANT to see inexplicably ghosting video and hear tinny, staticky audio!"

It's true, folks. This shop has minimally functional live trucks and receivers yet the Mandatory Live Shot Knob has just been turned up to 11. graemlins/face_banghead.gif graemlins/face_banghead.gif graemlins/face_banghead.gif
Oh well, we give them what they ask for... graemlins/icon_kidra.gif

[ March 07, 2007, 05:46 PM: Message edited by: JoinUsForCake ]

[WalMartNation]

Originally posted by Stack It:
My favorite story was from a poster a few weeks ago. The consultant returned after giving some advice and ripped the newscast. The poster had his notes handy from a previous visit and quickly threw everything right back in the consultant's face. The consultant had contradicted everything from the prior visit. Brilliant. I really need a job like that. Needless to say the consultant never met with the poster again.

Right now corporate has flexed its muscle in our newsroom, let's just say the employees hope corporate gets busted for steroids.There's nothing like watching a consultant eat his/her own words! I had this pleasure once myself (though I was only an observer)... it was still more enjoyable than watching my alma mater go to the Rose Bowl.

[Jane Craig]

I once said something in a meeting that was roundly pooh-poohed by management as foolish and just plain wrong. Three days later the consultant said the same thing and was hailed as brilliant and visionary.

Realizing I was a prophet in my own land, I began a full-scale job search that night.

[LENSCRAFTER]

One of our stations has hired a consultant who thinks all of our viewers have the memory of amnesia victims.

Any big story includes a LENGTHY "re-cap" with a nice graphic.

We had a fire at a high school recently. It WAS a big story. But anytime there is any type of follow-up you have to hear EVERYTHING that happened. "Let's re-cap. The fire broke out on November 1... Students were sent back to school on November 4.... The School Board..." It is extremely annoying.

I really hope they don't do any Easter stories this year for fear they will "re-cap the Last Supper and Crucifixion".

[jrat33]

Originally posted by Spx Guy:
We recently had a person that used to work for our station (and wasn't exactly good at anything -- reporting, shooting, writing, anchoring, willingness to help out) apply to work with a well known consulting firm. To me...this is mind-blowing. How is somebody like this supposed to critic things and help a station get better? Shouldn't they have knowledge and at least some ability?Sounds to me like he's overqualified to be a consultant.

[hardened &amp; jaded]

I've dealt with t.v. news consultants for 25 years. My first consultant (1981) told me "from here on in, everyone will be asked to do more with less." He pretty much nailed the state of the industry then and now. Then I received a heavy dose of Magid. At my last station, two Magid consultants told our start-up news operation that all their research pointed to us becoming #2 in the market in our first book. They said the #1 station was that vulnerable. Their unrealistic expectations were dead wrong and discouraged our new staff. Then those same consultants told us to spice up our teases by using the word "Bam" in them. Something like: "So what does the city's mayor and a local nun have in common. Bam, you'll find out next." I thought it sounded stupid then and it sounds stupid now. I've sat through innumerable meetings with Magid consultants who seemed content to show our small market news team airchecks from major markets like Boston. We didn't have the staff or the toys to emulate Boston so the meeting was largely a waste of time. I asked the consultants to show us some practical ways of making the most with what few resources we had. They didn't have one answer. No one has mentioned something about Magid that I find the most telling: Frank Magid got his degree, not in journalism, but in psychology. That speaks volumes about the company's approach and practice.

[JoinUsForCake]

Originally posted by hardened & jaded:
Then those same consultants told us to spice up our teases by using the word "Bam" in them. Something like: "So what does the city's mayor and a local nun have in common. Bam, you'll find out next." I thought it sounded stupid then and it sounds stupid now.WOW! I can't fully express how utterly retarded that is!

My sympathies, h&j.

[hardened &amp; jaded]

Joinusforcake...you don't know the half of it. I thought I'd forgotten about the "Bam" thing until I heard Rudy Baktiar say it in a tease on CNN about a year ago. I kid you not. The word received no extra emphasis, inflection, accent, punch...nothing. She just said the word like it was another ordinary word in a sentence. Talk about stupid.
In all fairness, I owe Magid for getting me two anchor/producer jobs in my career so the company isn't all bad. I just disagree with the premise for their existence. By definition, Magid and other consultants must find something wrong with what you're doing to legitimize their continued existence with your station...even if there's nothing seriously wrong. But there too I found one exception to the rule. At one dominant station I anchored and produced, we did a 23 rating in female demos. My GM went nuts with glee, the champagne flowed, we got lots of pats on the back for a job well done, and when Magid visited, the consultant said he had one piece of important advice for us: "Just keep doing what you're doing." I'll never forget what in retrospect was the highlight of my career. I owe Magid for being honest with me in that rare moment.

[Mister T]

My favorite consultant story was when I was told my voice was too deep. Supposedly, it was too low to be heard clearly and I should raise it a notch or two.

Six months later, a new consultant from the same company asked why I was talking so much higher on air than my natural speaking voice. I explained about the previous idiot and was told that she had been going through a divorce and now thought (admitted) she had given bad advice during that period.

I somehow don't think my station got any money back tho.

[The Fedora]

Originally posted by LENSCRAFTER:
One of our stations has hired a consultant who thinks all of our viewers have the memory of amnesia victims.

Any big story includes a LENGTHY "re-cap" with a nice graphic.

We had a fire at a high school recently. It WAS a big story. But anytime there is any type of follow-up you have to hear EVERYTHING that happened. "Let's re-cap. The fire broke out on November 1... Students were sent back to school on November 4.... The School Board..." It is extremely annoying.

I really hope they don't do any Easter stories this year for fear they will "re-cap the Last Supper and Crucifixion".Lens,
should I hazard a guess?

;)

[News Is Broken]

Originally posted by JoinUsForCake:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by hardened & jaded:
Then those same consultants told us to spice up our teases by using the word "Bam" in them. Something like: "So what does the city's mayor and a local nun have in common. Bam, you'll find out next." I thought it sounded stupid then and it sounds stupid now.WOW! I can't fully express how utterly retarded that is!

My sympathies, h&j.</font>[/QUOTE]I dunno, it seems to work for this guy:

http://image.com.com/tv/images/story/emeril.jpg

BAM!

[LENSCRAFTER]

Originally posted by The Fedora:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by LENSCRAFTER:
One of our stations has hired a consultant who thinks all of our viewers have the memory of amnesia victims.

Any big story includes a LENGTHY "re-cap" with a nice graphic.

We had a fire at a high school recently. It WAS a big story. But anytime there is any type of follow-up you have to hear EVERYTHING that happened. "Let's re-cap. The fire broke out on November 1... Students were sent back to school on November 4.... The School Board..." It is extremely annoying.

I really hope they don't do any Easter stories this year for fear they will "re-cap the Last Supper and Crucifixion".Lens,
should I hazard a guess?

;) </font>[/QUOTE]HA! Yeah Fedora... 3 guesses first 2 don't count.

Drives me crazy though. They are better than that... or at least they SHOULD be.

[JoinUsForCake]

Originally posted by hardened & jaded:
Joinusforcake...you don't know the half of it....Thanks for sharing! Incredible! And yes, Magid are the people currently responsible for our torture.
Here's our newsroom in the aftermath of Magid:
http://www.populationstatistic.com/images/munch_scream.jpg http://www.populationstatistic.com/images/munch_scream.jpg http://www.populationstatistic.com/images/munch_scream.jpg http://www.populationstatistic.com/images/munch_scream.jpg http://www.populationstatistic.com/images/munch_scream.jpg http://www.populationstatistic.com/images/munch_scream.jpg http://www.populationstatistic.com/images/munch_scream.jpg http://www.populationstatistic.com/images/munch_scream.jpg

[ March 10, 2007, 09:34 AM: Message edited by: JoinUsForCake ]

[Fake Post]

Newsroom consultants are like chiropractors. They can't cure your ills in one visit and insist on a long term treatment program.