Producer TV Writing

[Seeking Info]

I'm having trouble getting out of the habit of writing "has been" in my copy. Any advice?

Also, how do you not write in passive tense.. without writing in false present tense?

I feel like my writing needs to be stronger, but as a producer.. I get into a crunch and don't always have time to think about individual scripts long enough to catch these mistakes.

graemlins/face_banghead.gif

[almostlive]

Originally posted by Ratings Repeller:
I'm having trouble getting out of the habit of writing "has been" in my copy. Any advice?Stop writing about Steve Guttenberg.

Thank you. I'm here all week.

[ April 06, 2005, 10:03 PM: Message edited by: almostlive ]

[one eyed jack]

Originally posted by Ratings Repeller:

Also, how do you not write in passive tense.. without writing in false present tense?

It's hard to answer a question that doesn't make sense.

Did you mean past tense or passive voice?

[Seeking Info]

passive voice.. sorry.

[upandown]

Wanna give us an example?

If you're speaking of passive voice, remember to state the subject before the very. Avoid word 'is', 'are', 'was', 'were'. Replace them with more descriptive verbs.
Don't sweat past tense. Most of life now exists in the realm of past tense.

[ April 07, 2005, 07:41 AM: Message edited by: upandown ]

[product of communism]

I wouldn't worry about avoiding past tense, however, with practice - the ability to avoid passive voice is something that will just hit you one day.

Upandown's advice is very good...

I remember when I first started, I couldn't see the "passive voice" in copy if it were right in front of me... and sometimes I still miss it... but most of the time, it screams at me! Especially when I listen to NPR - they write in passive voice all the time.

I really learned alot from our main anchor. He's very good at finding the passive voice in copy, and changing it... and I re-read everything I write after he's had a chance to edit it - and that helps.

If they have a lot of experience, ask your anchors for help!

But again - pretty much anytime you see (or hear) the word "was" you're in trouble.

[epam]

If you're trying to get around something like:

"He has been the subject of money laundering investigations before".
You can go with:
"Investigators previously looked into other money laundering accusations."

And past tense is tough, think about what's going on "right now" and make that your lead. Is a shooting victim in critical condition, laying in a hospital bed, finally able to give investigators their first clues?

[product of communism]

Here's a good example, both of the sentences in the following AP story are in passive voice... let's fix them.

FORT BRAGG, N.C. (AP) -- Religion, the death penalty and mental health were the topics of questioning in the second day of jury selection in the case of Army Sergeant Hasan Akbar.
Akbar is accused of killing two officers in a 2003 grenade attack in Kuwait.

Let's start with the first sentence. The red flag here is the word "were." I'd change it to something like this:

LAWYERS IN THE TRIAL OF HASAN AKBAR QUESTIONED POTENTIAL JURORS ABOUT RELIGION, THE DEATH PENALTY AND MENTAL HEALTH DURING THE SECOND DAY OF JURY SELECTION.

(Not stellar writing, but you get the idea.) We changed the way we describe the story so that we tell who is responsible for the action. Now we'll tackle the second sentence. This one's easy:

PROSECUTORS ACCUSE ACKBAR OF KILLING TWO OFFICERS DURING A GRENADE ATTACK IN KUWAIT. IT HAPPENED IN 2003, JUST BEFORE THE START OF THE IRAQ WAR.

Again, not the best writing - but it fixes the passive voice problem.

[ April 07, 2005, 08:00 AM: Message edited by: product of communism ]

[s'news]

I'm having trouble getting out of the habit of writing "has been" in my copy. Any advice?

At least you're noticing it. And that's step one in the war against "has been."

When you see the phrase "has been," consider it a cry for help from the sentence.

There's some fine writing advice in this thread.

[ April 07, 2005, 08:05 AM: Message edited by: s'news ]

[Media Hack]

I'm not sure why people are so against past tense? False present tense is terrible writing, and passive voice is boring.

Bad Passive Voice:
The boy was hit by a ball today.
Bad False Present Tense (check my sig):
A ball hits a boy today.
Past Tense:
A ball hit the boy today.

What's wrong with past tense in news copy. Almost everything we reported happened prior to news time.

I suppose we could do:
A boy is hospitalized tonight after a ball struck him in the head.

Avoiding passive voice is an absolute must. It often eliminates strong verbs from your writing and strong verbs are a hallmark of effective broadcast writing. That's because the style of broadcast writing eliminates much of the flowery language you'd find in other forms of writing.

Just my opinion...

[Media Hack]

While we're on the topic of bad writing (one of my favorites)... I see too many people trying to include too much information in one sentence.

OTPS

One Thought Per Sentence

Bad writing:
Hasan Akbar, who is accused of fragging his fellow soldiers, is on trial for his life.
Better writing:
Hasan Akbar is on trial for his life. Military prosecutors accuse him of fragging his fellow soldiers.

Yes, it's true, I've actually made the script longer... but when I viewer is listening to an anchor and watching video, it is often difficult for them to follow any clauses in the middle of your thought. Put the viewer first.

Just my opinion... others may disagree...

[product of communism]

Originally posted by Media Hack:
While we're on the topic of bad writing (one of my favorites)... I see too many people trying to include too much information in one sentence.

OTPS

One Thought Per Sentence

Bad writing:
Hasan Akbar, who is accused of fragging his fellow soldiers, is on trial for his life.
Better writing:
Hasan Akbar is on trial for his life. Military prosecutors accuse him of fragging his fellow soldiers.

Yes, it's true, I've actually made the script longer... but when I viewer is listening to an anchor and watching video, it is often difficult for them to follow any clauses in the middle of your thought. Put the viewer first.

Just my opinion... others may disagree...I agree with you. In fact, if I were writing for my newscast - my first example from earlier would read something like this:

LAWYERS IN THE TRIAL OF HASAN AKBAR QUESTIONED POTENTIAL JURORS ABOUT RELIGION, THE DEATH PENALTY AND MENTAL HEALTH.

TODAY IS THE SECOND DAY OF JURY SELECTION.

[ April 07, 2005, 08:31 AM: Message edited by: product of communism ]

[Seeking Info]

Originally posted by product of communism:
Here's a good example, both of the sentences in the following AP story are in passive voice... let's fix them.

FORT BRAGG, N.C. (AP) -- Religion, the death penalty and mental health were the topics of questioning in the second day of jury selection in the case of Army Sergeant Hasan Akbar.
Akbar is accused of killing two officers in a 2003 grenade attack in Kuwait.

Let's start with the first sentence. The red flag here is the word "were." I'd change it to something like this:

LAWYERS IN THE TRIAL OF HASAN AKBAR QUESTIONED POTENTIAL JURORS ABOUT RELIGION, THE DEATH PENALTY AND MENTAL HEALTH DURING THE SECOND DAY OF JURY SELECTION.

(Not stellar writing, but you get the idea.) We changed the way we describe the story so that we tell who is responsible for the action. Now we'll tackle the second sentence. This one's easy:

PROSECUTORS ACCUSE ACKBAR OF KILLING TWO OFFICERS DURING A GRENADE ATTACK IN KUWAIT. IT HAPPENED IN 2003, JUST BEFORE THE START OF THE IRAQ WAR.

Again, not the best writing - but it fixes the passive voice problem.Okay, My first inclination is to write this..

"Jury selection continues in the trial of Army Sergeant Hakam Akbar. Today.. Potential jurors had to answer questions about religion, the death penalty.. and mental health"

or "Potential jurors in the trial of Army Sergeant Hakam Akbar.. faced some tough questions today. Among them, questions about religion.. the death penalty.. and mental health"

If you are dealing with a criminal, let's say they are charged with criminal sexual conduct..
How do you get away from saying, "Joe Smith has been charged with criminal sexual conduct"

Would it be "Joe smith IS charged with criminal sexual conduct?"

I know the ultimate goal is to speak more conversational. Like, telling the story to your grandmother. When I started working, I worked with an anchor who was real big on "tv speak"..
Ex: Religion, Death Penalty.. and Mental Health.. Tough questions posed to potential jury members in the trial of ..blah, blah..
He was really adament on leaving the verb out..
I got into the habit of doing that too.. thinking it sounded edgy. Now, my nd is trying to get me out of the habit of "tv speak".

[Media Hack]

"Joe Smith is charged with criminal sexual conduct" is fine. He is charged. It's happening now... that's not false present tense. And, in fact, "is" is technically an active verb (not the most exciting, but active nonetheless). Someone correct me if I'm wrong on that...

[Lazlo Toth]

Passive voice often leaves the question "by whom" unanswered.

For example: Smith is charged.

Smith is charged by whom? When you answer the "by whom" question, move the answer to the front of the sentence.

The Army charged (or has charged) Smith with ...

Prosecutors charged Smith with ...

Passive: The man was arrested.
Active: Police arrested the man.

[ April 07, 2005, 09:02 AM: Message edited by: Lazlo Toth ]

[product of communism]

Originally posted by Ratings Repeller:
Would it be "Joe smith IS charged with criminal sexual conduct?"
I would say something like:

THE D-A'S OFFICE CHARGED JOE SMITH WITH CRIMINAL SEXUAL CONDUCT. (or whomever files the charges in your community)

And the word "charged" is past tense... but what can you do? GRRRRR...

[product of communism]

Originally posted by product of communism:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Ratings Repeller:
Would it be "Joe smith IS charged with criminal sexual conduct?"
I would say something like:

THE D-A'S OFFICE CHARGED JOE SMITH WITH CRIMINAL SEXUAL CONDUCT. (or whomever files the charges in your community)

And the word "charged" is past tense... but what can you do? GRRRRR...</font>[/QUOTE]Also - Ratings Repeller - you'll notice I could have written "has charged" here, out of habit - but the word "has" can usually be dropped - much like the word "that."

[ April 07, 2005, 09:05 AM: Message edited by: product of communism ]

[tvchick5]

Very helpful advice from some of the best in the business (or the best on this board anyway). Thanks for the insight. Helps this producer as well! graemlins/icon_pray.gif

[Seeking Info]

Would you guys mind if I post a story, just a VO tonight after work.. so you can critique it and give me pointers?

[overthehill]

Our goal here is to be conversational in our approach to sharing information with our audience.

I'm a big proponent of putting the most current, most newsworthy information in your lead sentence...and striving to use present tense in that lead sentence whenever possible. Let the newspapers use past tense because their stories are frozen in time. Broadcast writing is not. It needs to stress immediacy--when it can--even about past events and items, especially in the lead.

Sometimes using the most-recent, most newsworthy, most present tense possible approach calls for "to be" verbs (is, are). Even the use of "Joe Smith is charged with..." uses the supposedly passive-voice "to be". I'd also agree with an earlier poster that the viewer needs to hear WHO charged Joe.

False present tense, often pushed by consultants and therefore our bosses-the ND, drives me nuts and I think makes us all sound like we speak "news-speak" not conversationally.

I realize it's a slightly different topic, but what about those news-speak words and phrases, only uttered by journalists and broadcasters?

"Hospitalized?" I can't remember the last time I heard anyone conversationally use that word. Only cops, medical officials and newspeople. Most people say--"in the hospital" or a similar phrase.

"Claimed the life" Typical news-speak. I "claim" lottery winnings. We don't claim lives.

Please think about what you're writing. Write like your audience talks.

[ April 07, 2005, 11:23 AM: Message edited by: overthehill ]

[product of communism]

Originally posted by Ratings Repeller:
Would you guys mind if I post a story, just a VO tonight after work.. so you can critique it and give me pointers?No problem... I'll give it a shot - but you really want upandown or vulcan to critique it... they're the best writers I've seen on this board... or lenscrafter. he's good too.

[Produce man]

False present tense must die! I hate it, will never use it, and ride any reporter's butt who tries to sneak it in on me. THE main thing that matters (to me) is that it's conversational. IMHO.

[Diggin' Bear]

The easiest way to avoid passive writing is to observe the rule: Subject, verb, object.

The light was lit by the president. BAD!

The president lit the light. GOOD!

Notice, there are fewer words in the second sentence, they convey an action, and even though it's in past tense, it still sounds 'active.'

[tellmeastory]

chewy pants,

if you don't have one already, pick up a copy of mervin block's "writing broadcast news: shorter, sharper, stronger." it reinforces the things you know but don't always do... and explains ways to get over the hurdles you've described. good for you for trying to get away from "tv speak"!

[Michigan J. Frog]

Since we're working on good writing, can we stop using the made-up words like "hospitalized" that no one uses in real life? (And "local hospital," that cliche which means nothing can go, too.)

[almostlive]

Originally posted by Frogman:
Since we're working on good writing, can we stop using the made-up words like "hospitalized" that no one uses in real life? (And "local hospital," that cliche which means nothing can go, too.)Hate to inform you, but "hospitalized" is a legitimate word. Check any dictionary. I'd even argue that it's a word used in ordinary conversations. Fight the good fight, but take aim at words that are truly "made up."

IE: "Mediflighted" and "efforted."

[Michigan J. Frog]

Originally posted by almoseisley:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Frogman:
Since we're working on good writing, can we stop using the made-up words like "hospitalized" that no one uses in real life? (And "local hospital," that cliche which means nothing can go, too.)Hate to inform you, but "hospitalized" is a legitimate word. Check any dictionary. I'd even argue that it's a word used in ordinary conversations. Fight the good fight, but take aim at words that are truly "made up."

IE: "Mediflighted" and "efforted."</font>[/QUOTE]"Hospitalized" is in the dictionary, sure, but that doesn't mean we should use the word. (Many words that are never used in conversation can be found in the dictionary.) I have never heard it used in a conversation between non-news people.

Why in the world would you be against the use of "mediflighted" and NOT "hospitalized"? hey're both examples of verbing nouns.

[Mighty Dyckerson]

Originally posted by product of communism:
I'll give it a shot - but you really want upandown or vulcan to critique it... they're the best writers I've seen on this board... or lenscrafter. he's good too.Oh, please. Those two couldn't write a grocery list.

I'll be happy to critique your work, my little friend.

[east coast producer]

Originally posted by product of communism:
I agree with you. In fact, if I were writing for my newscast - my first example from earlier would read something like this:

LAWYERS IN THE TRIAL OF HASAN AKBAR QUESTIONED POTENTIAL JURORS ABOUT RELIGION, THE DEATH PENALTY AND MENTAL HEALTH.

TODAY IS THE SECOND DAY OF JURY SELECTION.'Cept 95% of your viewers don't know who Akbar is so you'd need to write "Lawyers defending the [Marine/soldier] accused of tossing a grenade into an officers' tent, killing X, began questioning potential jurors today."

BTW Roy -- in four years, you'll get insulted by Mickey Rooney. Just sayin.

[almostlive]

Originally posted by Frogman:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by almoseisley:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Frogman:
Since we're working on good writing, can we stop using the made-up words like "hospitalized" that no one uses in real life? (And "local hospital," that cliche which means nothing can go, too.)Hate to inform you, but "hospitalized" is a legitimate word. Check any dictionary. I'd even argue that it's a word used in ordinary conversations. Fight the good fight, but take aim at words that are truly "made up."

IE: "Mediflighted" and "efforted."</font>[/QUOTE]"Hospitalized" is in the dictionary, sure, but that doesn't mean we should use the word. (Many words that are never used in conversation can be found in the dictionary.) I have never heard it used in a conversation between non-news people.

Why in the world would you be against the use of "mediflighted" and NOT "hospitalized"? hey're both examples of verbing nouns.</font>[/QUOTE]Because hospitalized IS a word (and it's not an obscure one -- I don't know why you think it's so far removed from everyday vocabulary). Mediflighted (or "Lifeflighted" or whatever comapny you have in your town) is a bastardization that turns a commercial enterprise into a verb.

[CKMD]

Put the subject of the action before it...passive voice dissapears.
Note: this isn't always applicable.
And past tense isn't bad sometimes...false present tense is a load of crap.. no person talks like that.. Shepard!!!

[newscache]

News writers confuse past tense with passive voice. You did it, were corrected, and you recognize there's a difference. So you're among the enlightened.

In a passive sentence, the subject is acted upon. "Joe was hit by Bill." Every once in a while, it's the way you should write news copy -- when you don't know who acted. Most of the time, you should use active voice. The subject acts. "Bill hit Joe." It makes it clear who the actor is. Also, active sentences are shorter.

Sometimes people write in past tense when they don't have to -- when the sentence could be written in present tense and still be clear and valid. These sentences should be written in present tense.

However, news involves telling stories. Good stories have a beginning, middle and end. Varied tense is often useful in telling a good story. Writing every sentence in present tense can confuse the listener about the order in which things happened, and that is bad. News writing is worthless if it is not clear. A news writer's task is to find what's interesting and write clearly about it.

[Basically A Nice Guy]

bump

[Wise Old Producer]

I never liked to use the terms "medflighted, lifeflighted".. etc.. simply because they are newsroom-speak, not real-people speak.
Why not just say:

"Paramedics flew the accident victims to the hospital.."

You've already received excellent advice. Once you easily differentiate between past tense and passive voice...you will be home free (and a much, much better writer..)

[Produce man]

Originally posted by Media Hack:
I'm not sure why people are so against past tense? False present tense is terrible writing, and passive voice is boring.

Bad Passive Voice:
The boy was hit by a ball today.
Bad False Present Tense (check my sig):
A ball hits a boy today.
Past Tense:
A ball hit the boy today.

What's wrong with past tense in news copy. Almost everything we reported happened prior to news time.

I suppose we could do:
A boy is hospitalized tonight after a ball struck him in the head.

Avoiding passive voice is an absolute must. It often eliminates strong verbs from your writing and strong verbs are a hallmark of effective broadcast writing. That's because the style of broadcast writing eliminates much of the flowery language you'd find in other forms of writing.

Just my opinion...I tell all up and coming producers to just keep it simple and conversational. False present tense is just a crutch for the ungifted. I work for a FOX affiliate, and have to clean up their bullsh!t everyday.